Next week is the first week of March.  I thought that making it to March would mean I was actually managing this school/work/family routine successfully.  Today I’m not so sure.  It’s just that in the one class I would never be able to do the project without my team members.  These guys know a lot and get it done quick.  Which I guess is the point of working in teams.  Everyone does what they’re good at and you put it all together.  I did write my methods and test methods myself.  But it wasn’t easy!  It took a lot of time and puzzling through errors.  I’ve been more hopeful about the other class, which I’ve easily (sort of) managed on my own so far.  But yesterday we got a new project assigned on top of a homework assignment that basically is a project already.  And the next project for the class of doom has been posted.  Actually, I think I can do these things, but where’s the time??  And I’m feeling worse than ever about missing kids 2 nights a week.  Actually 3x this week because I had to study and meet my class team on Monday evening.  I don’t like losing time with the kids.  I don’t like it at all.  I hate it in fact.  It’s difficult to process.  I almost starting balling my eyes out on the train yesterday evening.  I came home and told hubby I don’t know if I can do it.  I keep telling myself things that, in the end, make me want to just quit.  But I won’t do that again.  That would be quitting grad school 3x.  Sad I know.  Once to go work full time, and once because I just got overwhelmed (like now – but I had loads more time then so what the hell?).  People give me a lot of credit now, but I’m in this situation because I’ve been lazy in the past.  That’s the long and short of it.

Since quitting is not an option, I’ll have to settle for failing miserably.  🙂

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